This Year

Wooo! Happy New Year everyone!! it's 2012 - the end of the world! But whatever, moving on to more important things then "Doomsday". I may not have a New Years resolution yet, but i'm determind that this year is going to be better than last year.

On my to do list for 2012:
I'm going to be studying at UCOL -thats going to be awesometastic!!!
I'm moving out (about bloody time too-hehe)
Find a new job in Palmy, preferrably at a cafe so I can make COFFEE! looooove coffee (drool)
Audition for another show - theres no place i'd rather be than in the theatre - preddy.
Start taking dancing lessons, I won't be able to do my singing lesson anymore but I still want to learn something.
Visit Dannvegas ALL the time to be with the people I love best!

This year is going to be WONDERFUL because I say so!

xxx

It Smells like Eggs But it's Still a Pretty Cool Place

So our trip to Rotorua was pretty amazing. I think the quality family time was much needed, and the break from real life, well overdue. But now where back and ready to prepare for Christmas.

Yup, we had a pretty good time :)

Dawn

OK, like loving Florence + The Machine at the moment! Amazing voice, amazing songs, amazing words!!!

"it's always darkest before the dawn" -so true, theres always light at the end of the tunnel!

Life As I Know It

So I think where more then a little overdue for a catch up.
Stuff in my life at the moment: The next week I have off work, starting today! I'm going to be spending the time with my family - tonight we are going to see 'The Beverly Hillbillies' at The Little Theater. Should be a good show, i'm very much excited!
Tomorrow, I have a concert, really really nervous! I only have to sing one song in front of a small audience but I still feel like i'm going to chuck. bleh. oh well.
Today, I found out the wonderful news that I got into my course at UCOL, so as of next year I shall be doing a Bachelor in Applied Visual Imaging (BAVI) - makes me sound smart, aye?! =) I'm so pleased and happy that I know now that I have some sort of plan for next year.
Work has yet again become just that tinsie bit more complicated, but I've decided not to let it bother me, I love my job and I love the people I work with.
Dad seems to be looking some what better, he gets very tired and sometimes his medication doesn't work very well but he seems quite happy and that's what matters most.
The other night, I gave my brother a bit of growling. I told him that he needed to be more supportive of the family, not disappearing into town every other day and ignoring everyone when hes at home and I think he may even actually have listened to me!!! what are the odds!!!
Oohh, and guess what everyone?! I'm learning to play guitar! i'm being taught by someone who thinks i'm very special and really likes me, that make me feel wonderful. I hope it works out, even a little bit.

Ta ta everyone. ex oh ex oh hart =)

Smilee Face

Something happy.

Something nice.

Something that could be quite beautiful.

For once i'm glad I didn't listen :)

The Big 'Why?'

What is that skeleton in your closet?
Why do you have so many dust collectors? Whats the point?
Why do you keep that? ... It's just a memory, it's not going to come back.
You can create, but there will always be something that can destroy.
You can protect, but it will always be the things from within that will hurt you.
Why build barriers when walls always crumble?
Why be good when people choose only to see the bad?
Why choose to shape a world around the things you love most when the world refuses to see you?
I don't know.
You can pretend to know, but you don't either.
so lets just keep asking "why?"

I Wasn't Thinking

We all make mistakes and I've made a lot of stupid mistakes. This time i'm pretty sure I've hit rock bottom. I hope I have. If I have, than there's gotta be a staircase leading up round here somewhere, right? But that doesn't stop the feeling of shame, I'm beginning to accept regret as a constant burden for me now, it seems whatever I do to escape reality only brings me down further. sometimes I know i'm going to regret it later, but I do it anyway. Sometimes I don't think because I don't want to, thinking may bring focus but it also brings hurt. perhaps I wouldn't have done some of the things I did if I had thought about it, but honestly, who wants to think? It only gives you a headache and I just feel worse off because reality pretty much sucks.
Whatever happens to me, there is one thing i'll always be glad about though, and that's my friends. They save my life everyday x x x

Just Things

The Awesomest thing at the mo: My brothers back form Auckland! We spent the whole day yesterday just talking about anything and everything! I've missed him so much!!!

The Cutest thing: I caught my 5 year old cousin, Emily in my room trying to put lipstick on, it was soooo cute and she looked up at me all guilty like and my heart just melted.

The Saddest thing: lots of things are sad at the moment.

The Annoying-est thing: my aunt and uncle have taken over everything! Need I say more! garr

The Greatest Thing: The whole family was together yesterday morning! it was so amazing, though sad that it didn't last long - I had to go to work and Elliot came into town with me to see friends, and Mum and Dad will be leaving again for Palmy tomorrow. But i'm sure there will be plenty more times in the future, especially now that Elliot's back!!!

The Funniest thing: Having a water fight behind the bar at work - Damn, where cool (please note sarcasm)

The Scariest thing: Being left behind, it sounds silly but I don't want to ever be by myself ever again, but I know I can't avoid it.

The Happiest thing: Being with people I care about, I love my friends and I love my family.

xoxox

It's Just How I Feel

Is it so stupid to want a hug real bad?
Cause life pretty much sucks right now.

:)?

There are so many beautiful people in this world. And there are so many horrible things too. Everything here makes me so happy ... and angry, and I hate being in two spaces, it just makes everything twice as confusing. I want to pull this whole world apart and put it all back together again so only the good things show, that way I would always be putting little smiley faces after every post.

LIFE

Enjoying The Sun on my Shoulders

Today me and Brandi (my lovable canine companion) went for a walk, we agreed that it was time to explore one of the long dirt roads that lead out of town. I put on my sneakers and wore "The 'Hepburn' Hat" so I was really feeling the part and then we set out together. First we went to the cemetery to visit Mary Ann, a lady who died at 21 in 1888 and then we left to go explore the unknown! Alright, it wasn't all that exciting, but it was good to escape for a couple of hours and enjoy the sunshine before it disappeared too soon. Theres a hill about a half hours walk down the road that allows us to look out over Ormondville and I can see our house from there - it's an amazing view and I was kicking myself that I didn't bring my camera so I can't post any pretty pictures for you all. Oh well, it was an amazing walk anywho.

Reality

So things a pretty hard at the moment but i'm pushing through.
I'm still at a loss at how amazingly nice people can be!
I got off my lazy bum and actually washed my car and then realized I haven't named her yet.
The Saddle road is actually a wonderful drive.
I can't paint, I can't draw, and I can't take photos at the mo. Whats the matter with me!?
Church is full of such beautiful people.
I want to get away, even for a bit.
I drink way too much coffee.
I'm going to sleep in tomorrow morning.
I wish there was someone to give me a hug right now - hugs are healthy.
Music is best when it's LOUD.
So nervous about Tuesday, how could I let everything come to this.
I have to be happier, I think people are getting sick of 'moody-me'. I know I am.
I miss my brother.
It's too easy to cry.
I love bright red lipstick.
I want to veg and watch 'Cry Baby' or 'Pretty Women' or both. Yeah both. Both is good.
I need to stop spending money on food.
'Downton Abbey' is actually a really good TV series.
I really need to go to the Library.
Home is no longer a sanctuary, I want it to be next year already so I can get away from here.
Lady Gaga's out of it, but thats why I admire her.
Sunday's go way too fast.

Spooky Saturday

I had an awesome time at work last night, it was really busy until about midnight when people began to disappear. So we all went into the kitchen to carve pumpkins for tonight's Halloween party which we are hosting in the new club that's opening behind the Pub (My pumpkin's name is Fred and Katie said he looked bloody evil, I looked at her rather apprehensively and told her that he was just misunderstood (oh yeah! I just used a rather long word that made me sound smart but of course I just ruined the whole affect by saying that... nevermind)). Anyway, i'm looking forward to tonight, even if I am working it should be heaps of fun and the staff get to dress up too - SCORE!!!

Strangely enough, over that past few weeks, work has suddenly become a good space for me, and to believe that I hated it when I first started (!!!), Thankyou God! Oh, and Brenda bought lolly eyeballs to put into people's cocktails which I find slightly gross but awesome at the same time... this should be an interesting night!

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend, whatever your doing.

Lots of love from Me xxx

Sorry, I just HAD to put this picture up of Lock, Shock and Barrel because I loooove them so much and seeing that it was Halloween this weekend, it only seemed appropriate. Gotta be a 'Nightmare Before Christmas' fan! :D

A Plea

This is a plea to anyone out there who can help me!
My Dad's been recently diagnosed with cancer, it started in his lungs and has passed on to his bones. The doctors have said that there is nothing they can do to prevent it and that he probably only has about a year to live. Of course, this has all come as a shock to my whole family and where all trying to cope with the reality of it all but it just doesn't seem very real. We've called up and asked for a second opinion and we will be getting one eventually but it could take some time before we can get an appointment. I've done some research but it's all very hard to understand so I really feel (and I know my family does too) like I've been thrown into the deep end. Anyway, I'd really appreciate it if there are people out there who can help me, support people, cancer stories, anything that I might be able to use to help my Dad.
Kisses and Hugs.
Me xxx

Friend

It's more then I can stand.
It's more then you can hear.
But you still make me strong.
Please stand close, just be near.

Telegraph

DEAR LIFE STOP REQUEST TO PUT YOU ON HOLD FOR AWHILE STOP WOULD LIKE TO STAY IN THE HAPPY PLACES STOP THERE ARE THINGS AHEAD OF ME I WOULD LIKE TO AVOID STOP BUT I CAN'T STOP SO PLEASE COULD YOU STOP STOP ME STOP

A Poem Without Words

Bugger, working from 4:30 this afternoon till 1:30, then my next shift starts 10:30 tomorrow morning till 7. Oh! i'm going to be soooo tired! Keep your mind on the money, missy, you can do it!!!
Oh well.
Anyway, I just finished mounting my photos for the exhibition, they look terrific and i'm super excited about showing them off! I love pictures. Paintings and photos and murals and sketches and illustrations. I love them all. They can tell stories without saying word, they can share emotion and expression. And to each individual person they share a different secret.

Pictures are amazing.

"A good painting to me has always been like a friend. It keeps me company, comforts and inspires"
-Hedy Lamarr 

Cold Porridge

Time to change it all I think. It's my life and I can colour it whatever colour I want. Yeah I'm bloody nervous, but it can't be thay bad can it? I mean, how will I know if I don't try, right? I don't think God intended any of us to stand still, to stay where we knew it was safe. We were made to take risks. What good came to those who built walls around themselves? It turned them to custard, thats what it did and I for one do not feel like being somebody elses dessert, thats already happened far too often. No! I don't want to be wimpy me anymore, thats degrading. This time I will not let the opportunity slide me by, I will not abandon the responsiblity that He granted me, I'm going to be the firend that I'm suppose to be and i'm going to work hard even if my job does seem a bit 'bleh!'. Thats my focus, and all I can hope is that everything else will just fall into place the way it's suppose to. Dark rings under your eyes and cold porridge is for people without hope, I don't want to be one of those anymore.

Lillian Bassman

I was doing a little bit of web based research yesterday, when I stumbled across pure genius! Lillian Bassman, is AMAZING! She was a photographer during the 50's and 60's and she was one of those strong independent women who didn't care about the way society saw her and her work, I really admire women like that. She uses bleaching and blurring techniques to manipulate her photos in the darkroom. Kind of makes me want to go back to darkroom photography to try some of these techniques that she does but the smell of the chemicals really get to me after awhile, oh well, if I ever get the chance, maybe I will try.

These are some of her FANTABULOUS works:

Classy! is it not? and so totally me, I think I have found a new hero!! Love you, Bassman, you rock!!!

Things To Look Forward To:

Next Year - I'm a gonna be in Palmy, Baby!!!
Sunday - My fave day of the week.
Dinner - I suddenly decided that i'm quite hungry.
Seeing my church family - You know who you are.
Spring Festival - I've printed some of my photos for the exhibition.
Cantata and Singing lessons - I Loooove singing, even when I sound awful!
Comments from Hannah (One and Only) - Thanks, they always brighten my day.
The end of my shift - I love actually having a job, but man, gotta love it when your shift ends.
Reading - Harry Potter .... again :D
Lovely Summer days - Goodbye rain, bring on the sunshine.

Brandi

I love my baby, Brandi. She is the most lovable companion on four legs. We went on a walk the other day, just the two of us, me taking photos and she running crazy through the creek at the bottom of the valley trying to get me wet (which I was not at all impressed about), but we had fun and it was good to get away for awhile.

 This picture was taken looking out through a crack in a broken window pane in this abandoned shearing shed. Me and my brother call it 'The Haunted House' and that's not just because the house looks scary but because when we first moved here we decided to go exploring, we took Brandi with us of course and when we found 'The Haunted House' we decided to go inside. Brandi followed us, but when she got to the door she wouldn't come inside and she started crying, me and my brother got real spooked because we'd heard about dogs having extra senses and all that, so we left. It was only later when we had got home that we realized that the only reason Brandi wouldn't come inside the shearing shed was because shes forbidden to come indoors and shes totally paranoid about walking through doors. We felt pretty stupid after that but that old shearing shed will always be known to us as 'The Haunted House' =)

My Baby, Brandi (ain't she just a cutie!?!)

Happy day everyone!

Hello, Stranger

  Dear Stranger.
Hows it been?
  I've been alright I guess, but latley theres been a rather moody rain cloud over my head, I wish it would go rain on somebody else for awhile cause I'm soaked and even my sneakers are full of water.
Hope the weathers OK where ever you are.
Yours Truly,
  A rather crazy person.
xxx

Inspire

Man, it's been a rough week and it's only Wednesday! But I guess you just have to get through things one iddy-biddy step at a time. Well heres some good news: I just got a phone call, tomorrow I start my training for Rosie O'Gradys, and then finally I can start work!
So yeah, well anyway- Last night, I went into town to go check out this photography club, it's really cool and really interesting, the people there are really nice too. The best thing though was being inspired by other photographers, it's incredible the kind of stuff people can come up with, and I look at some of there works and think "Whoa!", honestly, there are some insanely awesometastic people at this club, they pretty much rock! And, those who know me will also know that I L-O-V-E being inspired, so these guys are legends!
Their going to be doing an exhibition next month, and even though I've only been to one of their meetings they've invited me to include some of my own work in it, so i'll think about it, but i'm not sure I really want to put my pictures up next to some of there's!
OK, I guess i'll see you round and remember to be inspired!
LuV 4M mE

Doomsday - Steps To Prevent It

Hello!
The whole worlds shifting right now, and it's pretty hard to keep standing sometimes, so here are some key points to survival:

- Always brush your teeth, no one likes dragon breath.
- Peoples first impressions of you happen within the first five seconds of seeing you, so always be awesome.
- Always pick up the phone it could be destiny calling.
- Get out of bed - Quick! it's always harder to get up the longer you lay there.
- If you think brussel sprouts are awesome, your wrong - and theres no point arguing the matter, brussel sprouts are and always will be DISGUSTING!!!
- Remember, there IS such thing as Santa.
- Believe me when I say that your mum does have eyes at the back of her head.
- Don't shout, no one will hear you. Just breathe. And stay calm.
- Hugs are the best medicine =)
- Try running out in the rain sometimes, you might get a cold but it's so totally worth it.
- Don't leave things to the last minute, we all know your going to regret it.
- Don't dwell on things (yesterday history, tomorrows a mystery, but today is gift, thats why it's called the present)
- Steriotypes are stupid, they only exist in your head as long as you let them.
- Be inspired, you may just inspire someone else by doing so.
- Eat all your vegetables (unless there brussel sprouts, then your excused)
- Learn to laugh at yourself, it honestly won't kill you.
- Remember, when you point at someone, theres three fingers pointing back at you.
- Turn your dreams into goals and you will always achieve them.
- When the sky is falling, call on God.

So there you have it, if your reading this and your thinking "what the hell is she on about?" Then i'm sorry but I really can't help you there.
Hope your having absolutly spiffing day/night.
Lots of love,
Me! xoxoxox

Streisand, I Heart You!

Wow, just reading through some of my posts and damn am I riding an emotional rollar coaster at the moment, so apolagise for that and for the future too (just incase). Aaaanyway, had my singing lesson today, it was marvelous as always, theres something about singing your heart out that feels oddly refreshing. I've been singing this song called 'The Glamourous Life' from 'A Little Night Music'. You can YouTube it if your ever bored, it's a great song. Also another song i've been singing is 'Send in the Clowns' it's also from 'A Little Night Music' , this song is to deep for me (i'm soprano) but my teacher wants me to practice singing low and it's an amazing song, honestly, it makes me want to cry, especially when you hear Barbra Streisand sing it, shes totally one of my heros.

Gotta love her! Mmmmwwwwaaaahhhh =)

Would You Like Fries With That?

Ok, i'm a little annoyed.
Alright maybe i'm really annoyed.
Not to mention I have a temper like a ticking bomb, push me too hard and I might explode.
I said DON'T push me!
Why are you still pushing me!!
STOP IT!!!
And now lets just throw in some anxiousity for good measure.
Kind of like trying to sit on a thumb tack.
And a pinch of impatients.
Darn, waiting again.
It's enough to make anyone paranoid.
Now just toss this all together for a walking talking emotional disaster: emo me.
Laaaaaame

No More Unemployed Me

Ahhh, it's a good feeling when your interview actually goes well. Thats right, I've found myself a new job working at the the new 'Rosie O'Grady's' pub thats opening in town next week! i'm super excited and I've met a whole bunch of new people who are going to start working there too, there awesome and really funny. And when  I start study next year, hopefully i'll be able to get a transfer which would be totally epic cause then I wouldn't have to start looking for a new job again.
So, to all you people out there - A BIG VIRTUAL HUG - because i'm just so happy =)
In other news, had a most marvelous picnic yesterday with some awesome friends. I love picnics. Especially when you get all dolled up for them - I wore my green polka dot "Audrey Hepburn" dress with my new boots, and this was completed with my black lacy parasol. So I was really feeling the part!
Anyway, really excited about tomorrow cause it's Jordan's birthday party, yay! And then of course Sunday, the best day of the week! I LOOOOOVE SUNDAYS!!!

It's Totally Cool!

It's cool hanging out with firends,
Especially when they listen.
It's cool meeting new people,
Especially when their so keen to share their experiences.
It's cool when you acompish something,
Especially when you put so much effort into it.
It's cool talking serious,
Especially when you can laugh your head off at he same time.
It's cool just living, and knowing that things are just going to work out.
It's been a good couple of days =)

"ex, oh, ex, oh" vs "dash, dash, dash"

Words or scilence?

When is nothing too much?

Sometimes i'm full to bursting and sometimes there is just empty lonliness. I crave one and find relief in the other.

Dear God, It's me again. I think I would really like a happy medium right now, just because.

Lots of love from, me. xoxo

Me Being Me and He Being He

Yes, i'm new to it all, but I think that maybe I really do believe that He listens.
And I think that's a big step for me... Are you following?
Sometimes He aggravates me, and sometimes we don't see quite eye to eye, but hes patient I believe. And i'm learning.

Because I am me and He is He and we are one and the same.

Waiting for 'Happening'

Why do we wait?
Waiting for someone.
Waiting for an answer.
For the phone to ring.
For the bus.
For dinner.
For an inspiration.
It honestly never stops. There doesn't seem to be moment in which we aren't unconsciously waiting for something.
Sometimes I just want to yell "STOP" and maybe the earth might stop spinning for a second - if the world stopped turning then there would be nothing to wait for because nothing would be moving and that would give me some time to catch up. Or maybe the worlds not moving fast enough? If the world was on fast forward, then maybe there would be less waiting and more "happening" in my life.

But that's just stupid.

If the world stopped, then i'd stop too. And if it were in fast forward then surely I would be as well, and that would mean life would pass on as normal. How do I know that time just didn't stop a moment ago and how do I know that where not is fast forward at this very moment.

So i'll just keep on waiting...

Winter Wonderland

Yes it was cold, yes I am still freezing my butt off, but damn I LOVE snow!!!
Quite a shock to the system after coming back from Singapore, wind, rain, the whole shebang and then - que, the snow!!! Wow, first time it's actually snowed at our place and lots of it, too.

I honeslty think we have one of the best views from our place, it's quite a treat to see it sugar coated. =)

Mad @_@ ? or Mad >=( ?

Ahhh, the wonders of the male teenage mind.... yeah, i don't get it...

My Brother
Age: 16
Interests: Nothing (unless you count computers and girls)
Occupation: An absolute and utter moron.

I suppose most of you would say, "yeah, it's just fase, it'll pass", and I suppose I can't say much, seeing as i'm only 19 and just leaving the years of madness myself. But me and my brother are tight well at least we were  until he decided that there are more important things then family. OK, whatever, fine, why should we even give a damn about you either, if everything else is more important then us then why bother coming home.

GRRRR! he makes me so MAD!!!

Damn, i'm so happy to be leaving next year so I don't have to deal with this shit!

OK, sorry about that little rave, but hes really hurting my feelings and I know that makes me sound like a wingy brat but hey, I can't help it, hes my brother and he used to be one of my best friends but a lot has changed over the past few years and I would more likley stamp on his foot then give him hug.

Aaaand their they go again - families fighting again *Overdramatic Sigh*

Laters People

Pretty Much Awesome

I have a plan!!!
...errr... what?
It's true! I totally know what I wanna do.
you have got to be shittin' me...
No, really, the chance of me changing my mind is like this much: [  ]  - and thats not much.
It's true people, i'm applying for a 'Bachelor of Applied Visual Imaging' for next year... wow, that makes me sound almost smart :D! Honestly, i've been filling out forms, looking up hostels blah blah blah, sounds heniously and crimanally boring but it means that, yes, i'm actually getting somewhere and thats enough to make me happy!
I'm so excited, you have no idea! I'm finally getting away from home, baby!!! And thats a total relief.
So yeah, feeling pretty much awesome right now

Art

ArT iS aN eMoTiOn

AnD wHaT i CrEaTe...

iS mY iNvEnTiOn

That Mystical New Age Crap

Have you ever heard of Aura's? The coloured light around people. yeah, I know, it's all that mystical new age crap and i'd totally agree with that, except i've been able to see them since I was eight. The colours are all suppose to mean different things, but i've never really cared about the meaning, infact I don't try to see the colours around other people because if you think about it, it can be very private or intamate (sometimes I slip up though, but who dosent). The otherday I was having wonderful and horrible day and there was so much on my mind, when I got home I lay down on my bed and cried for ages (cause a good cry makes everyone feel better) and then I stared at my hand and the light was blue.

Parsnip

Greetings to all those who even bother to read this. Yes, it is I, the one who keeps stuffing up... yep, that one that just fell on her face yet again. I know what your thinking, "wow, what a loser" and really I don't blame you, but please, you don't even know the facts, if you did, you'd be thinking "woah, heck! What an epic loser above all losers!!! But hey, at least I can admit i've stuffed up.

Aaaanyway, whats new - not much - we pulled a MASSIVE parsnip out of the garden yesterday, the lambs escaped yet again so they've been put under high security- electrice fences, camers, gaurds pattroling with rifles, the whole shebang. I'm reading Harry Potter .... again, never get tired of it though, it really is the best book ever written. And tomorrow is church!!! yay, really excited cause I haven't been for the past three weeks because we were in Singapore, damn, I miss everyone soooo much.

alrighty, so sorry about the emo posts of late and remember to look both ways before crossing the road.

Oh, and a little word from Bruno Mars (just because the songs stuck in my head) : "cause your amazing, just the way you are" :D

Home Sweet Home

Wow, what a trip! I can truthfully say that i'm physically and mentally exhausted! And, although I had an absolutely amazing time, the best part for me was coming home.
Yup, the wedding was so sweet and sooo romantic. David and my cousin Lesley make the perfect couple, and it was so cool meeting David's family, they are from Italy and they all have awesome accents. And Lesley looked so beautiful!!
Of course, I never heard the last of my Nan telling me how skinny I was, so annoying - "Li, li, li" all the bloody time which means "Eat, eat ,eat". All my aunts also have a compulsion of getting as much food into me as they can too, "so skinny" they keep telling me. oh come on, i'm really not that bad!!! ok, so the food really is brilliant there. =)
And I went to "Universal Studios" on Sentosa Island with my cousins, wow, pretty much the coolest theme park i've ever been too!
Anyway, theres about a million and one other things I could say about Singapore right now, but I'm really cold and really tired, early night for me I think.
Laters

Singapore

Singapore is probably the most colorful city I have ever seen. The very air has it's own unique flavor, the streets breath their own beat. Everything is so beautiful. Nothing is ever slow. No one ever sleeps here. You can taste the spices in the air and smell the insence and the music is so vibrant, the balmy nights are so full of life, and the food - incredible!
I've been here since tuesday, but I feel like i've been here for weeks!! it's so cool how Singapore is such a futuristic city, so ahead of it's time, yet, it is still able to retain so much of it's beautiful heritage. The shopping here is brilliant, but you have to be carfeul of some people who would try to boost their prices for tourists. i've bought some amazing things - I LOVE Little India and Chinatown, their such vibrant places of Singapore history ... anyway, here are some pics of this amazing place (taken with my spanking new camera =D)



Chinatown





View from "The Singapore Flyer"

 I can't wait to show my DV people the rest of the pictures (and more to come, no doubt). I'm having an AMAZING time, but i'm still homesick =(.
Good night, Sleep tight and don't let the bed bugs bite =)

It's Achient History

So, yesterday we arrived in Auckland, well actually, Orewa - just north of Auckland. And at first I was really excited, I mean, this was where I lived for three years and I was going to catch up with some old friends. And not just any old friends, either. These are the people who saved me when I first arrived at OC, I was adopted into the most wacked up group in school and I was proud of it! Oh, back in the days of 'Rocky Horror' and fancy dress tea parties *dramatic sigh*... hmm, you'd think that i'd be excited to be back... boy, was I wrong.
Have you ever taken a trip down memory lane and you realise (infact it's so blatanly obvious) that your the one whos changed and then you feel bad about it becuase you know they were expecting someone else.
We met up at around six that evening and walked down to Mc D's, and I found that I just couldn't talk to them like used too, it's really sad because they were a great bunch of friends.
I woke up angry and pissed off this morning, we drove round town and saw some old places, but all I really wanted to do was go home, DV is where I belong (I can say that with a smile). Anyway, I think God's been leaving some (not too obvious) clues that maybe it's time to let go, i've moved heaps of times and met heaps of people and if theres one thing i'm horrible at, it's letting go of achient history... well i'm going to try.

So off to Singapore tomorrow, my cousins already invited me to see Harry Potter with her, so i'm really excited - shes a darling and I wish you could all meet her. I still need to sort out shoes for the wedding. Looking forward to seeing 'Little India'. Not looking forward to a ten hour flight. Hoping to get an awesome digital SLR camera. And thats pretty much the low down on my life right now.

Lighter Than Air

If I had a hot air balloon, i'd live forever above the clouds ... far far away...

Waiting for the Piano to Fall

How do you let someone know how your feeling without actually saying anything.
Is it with a look? A mental thought thrown in their direction? An expression? Or maybe an action?
Your not a foward person... so how do you express yourself without feeling stupid?
Well actually you already feel stupid - it's funny how your so aware of what your doing and saying when their around:
Should I say that... is that even funny?
ok I won't. No actually I will say it. No, definatly... no, I think i'll save myself the humliation when they don't laugh.
But if they do laugh... well it's too late now, the moments passed.
Damn! I have to say something... (the short pause it turning into an awkward silence)
Food? Weather? ... PETROL PRICES?
Oh lord, help
Just say you like me, oh, please, just say you like me!!!
...forget it...
you attempt a dramatic exit, instead you stumble, fall and wack your teeth onto the nearest flat serface.
Ok, i'm proud to say the final part hasn't actually happened to me... yet, i've been waiting for the piano to fall... it's only a matter of time.

Torn

Funny how your heart holds you in one place, but your body and soul are so ready to move on.

My Marvelous Disappearing Act

Today I disappeared during my lunch break. It's amazing what just an hour can do for you, so, with my hot chocolate (yes, it's true, it wasn't my daily dose of poison ... caffeine - drool), here is where I disappeared...

 ... ahhhh, most marvelous. stereo turned up, hands wrapped around my hot chocolate, and of course - my view... absolute bliss =D

Loving Chaos

So, say that you were traveling,
along a rather narrow path.
The earth crumbling away on either side of you.
And finally, it pulls you down too.
Your falling...
Down
                      Down
                                                 Down

SPLAT!

You hit chaos.

Constant, moving, rumbling chaos

GLORIOUS chaos!

Painful, hurtful, sadistic chaos

Untimely. Inspired. Pulsating. Gravitating. Radiated. Malnourished. Intimate. Eclipsing. Lonely. Ravishing. Tantalizing. Masked. Ugly. Passionate. Escalated. Mesmerizing. Chaos.

Then who is there?

Your road kill

Who is the person who will bother to scrape you off the asphalt?

Bloody, Broken and Shattered.

Who will take the time to tape you back together?

Your heart bloated, bruised and yet still beautiful.

Who will hold it close to their own heart...
...and pray...

...just pray...

***

Would have to be a pretty good friend.
***

An Attempt to Clear Madness

The music of my life is an opera. Dramatic, passionate, inspired.
I am a painting in a red world.
Those who see me, see exactly what they want to see...
...but most miss the best part.
Every step is a dance, every word, a song.
Every dark thought or grey moment, an agonising scream.
My soul is equally as light as it is shadowed,
and inside there is too much colour and passion than can be contained.
I'm spliting at the seams.
I'm filled with more then just stuffing.
It all explodes.
Who am I?

Mute With Meaning

I think it's amazing how much writing can reveal the nature of a person. Here I am reading blogs of people I have never met, people who live on the otherside of the world, people who probably don't know I even exist. And yet, I still think of them as my friends. The things they write about, the way they write - theres personality within the words! And today, as I was reading one of the blogs I follow, I realised, I don't even know the name of this person let alone what they look like, i've never talked to them but I knew them through words, things they had written. Who knew that random squiggles could have so much meaning.

Sundays

I never thought in a million years that I would be the kind of person who'd want to go to church. Growing up in a Catholic background, I hated everything to do with religion - probably because I had a lot of people around me trying to shove their belief down my throat, and of course I didn't appreciate that very much. But now I've found a safe place for me, and even better then that I've found family! This puts a whole new meaning to "living for the weekend", at work I'm finding that the best way to get through the week is mentally counting the days down till Sunday, then "YAY! Happy Day!!!". I know it's stupid, but I don't care, all I can say is "Hallelujah!" finally something actually makes me happy. Not to mention the people, these people are the most amazing bunch I've ever met!!! (I loves yous guys x). Yes, you may have noticed that I am on a bit of a mental high, but at the moment i'm happy for no reason and I really hope it doesn't fizzle out too soon.

And now I can leave you with this - something that somebody said to me once: "Believe in your God, not the God of a religion"

Thankyou God =)            

2

2 weeks now and counting, 2 weeks and where off to Singapore! ... so why am I not excited? I can't help it, i'm just not. In fact i'm quite reluctant to go. I mean, I do really want to go because this is such an amazing opportunity... I guess i'm nervous about the outcome, I don't want to be a disappointment again.

No Jokes... Freaky

Hmmm. Dannevegas.
The truth of the matter is... well, i love it here.
WHAT!?
It's the truth, I swear. I've lived in alot of different places (and I mean ALOT of different places) and i'm telling you: I LOVE IT HERE!!!
Strange as it may seem, i've found a certain amount of contentment in my muddled, confused and slightly morbid life here.
And now I finally have a plan for myself (though I won't be surprised if it changes again) and i'm wondering: am I going to be okay moving away (again), I keep telling myself that it isn't far but bloody hell! it's been so long since i've actually been able to say "yep. Yep, this is a pretty damn good place".
So I guess i'll just have to take a deep breath and just jump.
Be spontanious.
(is that how you spell it?)

The Bright Side

Good things: Hot chocolates with one pink marshmellow and one white marshmellow. Sweet messages on my phone. Laughing so hard that I start crying. Lunch. The sound of high heels on the pavement. Daddy's fail attempt at singing. Hot water bottles. Swinging as high as you can with your eyes closed. The smaller details. compliments. Singing in the rain. Smiles. A brilliant loving cast. Jumping in puddles. Cookies straight out of the oven. Hugs. Friends who stop and listen. Church. Dancing. Being happy for no reason. Believing in impossible things. Pumpking soup on rainy days. "I love you"s. Speaking your mind and not being judged for it. Books you can't put down. Stories that make you cry and laugh. accompishments. Talking late into the night. cheesy musicals.

Goodbye Dear "Fiddler on the Roof", I Shall Miss thee

aaaaaaaand it's all over ... oh poo

Unthinking

Sometimes we do stupid things and we wish we could go back and fix it.
I do stupid things.
And you got to wounder, am I making it worse for them or me?
I'm not somebody to think things through and it's only when I take a step back and look at the whole situation that I realise what a mess i've made.
And the dumb thing is, is that I repeat that mistake again and again until I come to a place where I feel like maybe I keep making this mistake because I actually want to.
Even if it is hurting others and myself too.
And thats a difficult thing to shut out.
Sometimes it can be cured by a good long cry, but sometimes it can't.
I'm going to shut out the world for a little while.

No Time is Too Much Time

Places to go, people to see, things to do. I'm absolutly fatigued at the end of the day and yet theres still too much time to think.

Unintentionally Inspired

Went to Wellington yesterday. Since I spent most of the day just travling to and from, my day was rather uneventful, well unless you count me missing the bus anything exciting... but thats probably something that shouldn't be advertised =). So I spent the day watching other people (no, i'm not a stalker), I just think that you can tell a lot about a person from their appearance and even more by there funny little habbits, like there was this guy who was sitting across the aisel from me in the bus, he was dressed completely in black with combat boots and had cropped hair, her was listening to his IPod and his eyes were closed and he continued to mime playing the drums all they way from Norsewood to Palmerston North. And there was another guy in Wellington who kept up an over exaggerated strut when he was crossing the road. And a shy girl, who kept glancing at me in bright pink sneakers and tights, who finally gained the courage to talk to me when I smiled at her ... she wanted to ask me about my 'Girls Night Out' bag - apparently shes a bit of a Julia Grace fan. And a guy with bright purple hair and an awesome beanie ... so I guess what i'm trying to say is that I have been inspired, how exactly? ... I really have no idea yet.

My Moment of Fame

Here it is, short and sweet, my very own article =)

Some things have changed though since I wrote this, like I actually have a job now (yay), and i'm not moving to palmy till next year (phew).

Boring Receptionist By Day, Actress Extraordinaire by Night

The time for escape: 6:30pm - do not be late.

Time to become another person, in another place, in another era.

...But remember the spell breaks at midnight...

The Theater is playing tricks on me or am I just passed exhausted? 

I'm in the purple dress =)

Lunch Breaks =)

Been horribly busy and it's been horribly lovley. Thank God for lunch breaks.

Just Another Average Day

Content but lonley

Be the Candle

ME: Hey! Hows business going for you?
HIM: Oh, you know, same old, same old. Paper works up to my ears.
ME: So nothing interesting then?
HIM: Well it's defintley not a boring job, but theres only so much I can do.
ME: But your the big guy, you can do anything!
HIM: Sure... but the rest has to come from you.
ME: Erm?
HIM: Have faith in yourself and i'll have faith in you, believe in yourself and I will believe in you.
ME: Oh... sometimes that's hard.
HIM: I know. But if you have faith and belief in others, they will have faith and belief in themselves and they will be able to pass that faith and belief on to somebody else. so natrually, the more faith and belief you have in the people around you, the faster it will come back and find you and you can have faith and belief in yourself too.
ME: Share the light then?
HIM: Be the candle.

Is she Stupid? Yes, Yes she Is

Dumb, Dumb, Dumby, Dumb, Dumb!!! Why must I be such an ass all the time? Why must I be so stupid all the time? Why must I ruin everything all the time?

Hmph, I hate this...

Really hungry ... pumpkin soup for dinner (yum), can't complain about it (damn).

Then early to bed... not going to work tomorrow that means I can sleep in (yay), can't complain about it (damn)

Ok, just so you know, i'm really not much of a complainer (at least I hope not), but latley it's seems really easy to do so mostly because i'm tired and feel like such a moron right now. =(

Told You So...

Mmmm... I love surrealism. Theres something about it that has a clearer way of speaking then reality, it has more meaning or at least sometimes it seems that way. There always seems to be more sanity in the things that we see in our head then there seems to be in real life and in some strange way I find that it is more understanding and sympathetic of our feelings. I think I would like to live forever in my imagination, up there, there is clear skies for miles and miles and miles. I would live in a theater, and there would be hundreds of mirrors which I could jump through into different times so that I could collect costumes for my never ending parade of cheesy musicals, and there would be a jazz band - there is always a jazz band.

... I told you I was mad

It's awfully refreshing, don't you think?

Blast from the Past

Missing the good ol' days...

when my darling bro was shorter then me...

and being an idiot...

was the funnest thing in the world!

Wouldn't it be nice to go back... just for a little while.

Forgot about this day: Bay of Islands ... years ago! Was absolutly freezing, hungry, and having the time of my life!

Bandaids = Hope

I'm trying to help, but sometimes i'm not that helpful and I just get in the way. I'm trying to talk, but sometimes when you have too much on your mind and too much weighing on your heart there is nothing to say. I see pain, I see hurt and I can only hope that there is a bandaid for it, can I bandaid it? But I also see kindness, compassion and love and I can only close my eyes and hope that it might last forever. For me, sometimes it is hard to grasp at reality, I live too much inside my head... I draw what I don't understand and I paint what I don't want to see.

One day I hope to be even half as amazing and beautiful as the angels in my life.

No Business like Show Business

I love the theatre! As our darling Streisand once said in the film Funny Lady, "The theatre is a temple of the art!". It's boring nights like this that you want to just break out of the house and go traipsing down Sunset Boulevard or spend a night on Broadway, infact wouldn't it be nice if people just broke into song randomly just like in the movies (dramatic sigh). Mmmm... show biz, it's a dirty business and I love it.

People who need People

When you feel included, remembered or accepted, thats what makes you feel special. When people go out of their way to do something for you, thats what makes you feel special. When someone notices the smaller details, thats what makes you feel special. When someone is there for you no matter the circumstances, thats what makes you feel special. When somebody values you for being you, thats what makes you feel special. When you are able to return all these qualities, thats what makes them feel special and you a special friend.

"People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone."
 - Audrey Hepburn

Big Ideas and the Loveable Bad Guys who Get in the Way!

AHHH! so many thoughts running through my head latley.

So, what to do? What to do?? When you've finished school, the worlds supposedly your oyster... "supposedly". But it's always a little bit difficult when everyone else has a different plan for you - "hello? I'm right here and I KNOW your talking about me! And you know what? I CAN take care of myself and make my own "grown up" decisions!". It would be a laugh if I really did turn out to be a lawyer or a doctor, but all I really want to do is get into drama school, but unfortunately, like most things, you have to start at the bottom and work your way up and you know what? i'm prepared for that!!! so go away extended family before I smite you down with this light saber I just so conviently found!
So anyway, now that i've finished that little rant, for those who don't know, i've decided i'm going to do a performing arts course, it's only for a certificate and it's only 19 weeks long but it's going to be great and i'm sure it will lead off to bigger and better things. And the best thing is that i'll be finally getting away from home and starting my own life which has been far too overuled by my parents lately - don't get me wrong, they are quite loveable when they want to be. And I will be coming back for curry nights (yummy).
Theres only one tinsey winsey problem... and thats the financial side (bleh!). See, my dad's side of the family is like really rich and I was kind of hoping they might help me pay for this course instead of me having to get a student loan, unfortuantley there the ones that want me to be a doctor or a lawyer, honestly!!! Anyway, i'm going to have to ask sooner or later and suffer their rath ... really not looking forward to that (maybe i'll take that light saber with me)...

On a brighter note, i've been getting really fast at knitting - I honestly feel like a total pro! =)

Bliss

I miss being twelve. I think we forget how to live just for the sake of living... I loved horses and wolves and the colour black. I miss building the fort in the olive tree and playing hide and seek in the bush, dirty finger nails, grazed knees, bruises, cuts and blisters. I miss being a tom-boy and secretly wanting to be a princess, pretending to be a ballerina when I thought nobody was looking, shoving all my clothes under my bed, broken pencils, lost erasers. I miss my friends and I miss my school and my semi-good grades, drawing a giant Hedwig on the tennis courts with bit of old chalk, hanging upside down from the monkey-bars with my skirt over my head, failing at soccer, word-finds, hugs, Harry Potter. Life without responsibility is bliss and looking back on it means so much more.

The Word of the Day

Todays word: Inspire

Be inspired to have an open mind.
Be inspired to catch butterflies.
Be inspired to live in dreams.
Be inspired to attract wonderful people.
But most of all, Be inspired to inspire others.

Welcome, My Wonderfully Mad People

Hello, and welcome to my shiney new blog!

I think i'll start off by saying that, if you know me or not, i am slightly mad if not dilusional. but then, i think everyones like that. if everyone were normal then how would we know if we were nuts? An interesting topic that cannot be explained by the reason i wear sycadelic stripy socks or why that guy insisted on wearing fishnets and platform shoes singing 'Sweet Transvestite' or even how some friends seem to fall apart when you thought the glue between them was the strongest. Confused? ... I am, but one thing does make sence -it would be mad to think that we were normal.

So on that note, i would like to say "hi!" to all you wonderfully mad people and remember to look both ways before crossing the road.