The Big 'Why?'

What is that skeleton in your closet?
Why do you have so many dust collectors? Whats the point?
Why do you keep that? ... It's just a memory, it's not going to come back.
You can create, but there will always be something that can destroy.
You can protect, but it will always be the things from within that will hurt you.
Why build barriers when walls always crumble?
Why be good when people choose only to see the bad?
Why choose to shape a world around the things you love most when the world refuses to see you?
I don't know.
You can pretend to know, but you don't either.
so lets just keep asking "why?"

I Wasn't Thinking

We all make mistakes and I've made a lot of stupid mistakes. This time i'm pretty sure I've hit rock bottom. I hope I have. If I have, than there's gotta be a staircase leading up round here somewhere, right? But that doesn't stop the feeling of shame, I'm beginning to accept regret as a constant burden for me now, it seems whatever I do to escape reality only brings me down further. sometimes I know i'm going to regret it later, but I do it anyway. Sometimes I don't think because I don't want to, thinking may bring focus but it also brings hurt. perhaps I wouldn't have done some of the things I did if I had thought about it, but honestly, who wants to think? It only gives you a headache and I just feel worse off because reality pretty much sucks.
Whatever happens to me, there is one thing i'll always be glad about though, and that's my friends. They save my life everyday x x x

Just Things

The Awesomest thing at the mo: My brothers back form Auckland! We spent the whole day yesterday just talking about anything and everything! I've missed him so much!!!

The Cutest thing: I caught my 5 year old cousin, Emily in my room trying to put lipstick on, it was soooo cute and she looked up at me all guilty like and my heart just melted.

The Saddest thing: lots of things are sad at the moment.

The Annoying-est thing: my aunt and uncle have taken over everything! Need I say more! garr

The Greatest Thing: The whole family was together yesterday morning! it was so amazing, though sad that it didn't last long - I had to go to work and Elliot came into town with me to see friends, and Mum and Dad will be leaving again for Palmy tomorrow. But i'm sure there will be plenty more times in the future, especially now that Elliot's back!!!

The Funniest thing: Having a water fight behind the bar at work - Damn, where cool (please note sarcasm)

The Scariest thing: Being left behind, it sounds silly but I don't want to ever be by myself ever again, but I know I can't avoid it.

The Happiest thing: Being with people I care about, I love my friends and I love my family.

xoxox

It's Just How I Feel

Is it so stupid to want a hug real bad?
Cause life pretty much sucks right now.

:)?

There are so many beautiful people in this world. And there are so many horrible things too. Everything here makes me so happy ... and angry, and I hate being in two spaces, it just makes everything twice as confusing. I want to pull this whole world apart and put it all back together again so only the good things show, that way I would always be putting little smiley faces after every post.

LIFE

Enjoying The Sun on my Shoulders

Today me and Brandi (my lovable canine companion) went for a walk, we agreed that it was time to explore one of the long dirt roads that lead out of town. I put on my sneakers and wore "The 'Hepburn' Hat" so I was really feeling the part and then we set out together. First we went to the cemetery to visit Mary Ann, a lady who died at 21 in 1888 and then we left to go explore the unknown! Alright, it wasn't all that exciting, but it was good to escape for a couple of hours and enjoy the sunshine before it disappeared too soon. Theres a hill about a half hours walk down the road that allows us to look out over Ormondville and I can see our house from there - it's an amazing view and I was kicking myself that I didn't bring my camera so I can't post any pretty pictures for you all. Oh well, it was an amazing walk anywho.

Reality

So things a pretty hard at the moment but i'm pushing through.
I'm still at a loss at how amazingly nice people can be!
I got off my lazy bum and actually washed my car and then realized I haven't named her yet.
The Saddle road is actually a wonderful drive.
I can't paint, I can't draw, and I can't take photos at the mo. Whats the matter with me!?
Church is full of such beautiful people.
I want to get away, even for a bit.
I drink way too much coffee.
I'm going to sleep in tomorrow morning.
I wish there was someone to give me a hug right now - hugs are healthy.
Music is best when it's LOUD.
So nervous about Tuesday, how could I let everything come to this.
I have to be happier, I think people are getting sick of 'moody-me'. I know I am.
I miss my brother.
It's too easy to cry.
I love bright red lipstick.
I want to veg and watch 'Cry Baby' or 'Pretty Women' or both. Yeah both. Both is good.
I need to stop spending money on food.
'Downton Abbey' is actually a really good TV series.
I really need to go to the Library.
Home is no longer a sanctuary, I want it to be next year already so I can get away from here.
Lady Gaga's out of it, but thats why I admire her.
Sunday's go way too fast.