Be the Candle

ME: Hey! Hows business going for you?
HIM: Oh, you know, same old, same old. Paper works up to my ears.
ME: So nothing interesting then?
HIM: Well it's defintley not a boring job, but theres only so much I can do.
ME: But your the big guy, you can do anything!
HIM: Sure... but the rest has to come from you.
ME: Erm?
HIM: Have faith in yourself and i'll have faith in you, believe in yourself and I will believe in you.
ME: Oh... sometimes that's hard.
HIM: I know. But if you have faith and belief in others, they will have faith and belief in themselves and they will be able to pass that faith and belief on to somebody else. so natrually, the more faith and belief you have in the people around you, the faster it will come back and find you and you can have faith and belief in yourself too.
ME: Share the light then?
HIM: Be the candle.

Is she Stupid? Yes, Yes she Is

Dumb, Dumb, Dumby, Dumb, Dumb!!! Why must I be such an ass all the time? Why must I be so stupid all the time? Why must I ruin everything all the time?

Hmph, I hate this...

Really hungry ... pumpkin soup for dinner (yum), can't complain about it (damn).

Then early to bed... not going to work tomorrow that means I can sleep in (yay), can't complain about it (damn)

Ok, just so you know, i'm really not much of a complainer (at least I hope not), but latley it's seems really easy to do so mostly because i'm tired and feel like such a moron right now. =(

Told You So...

Mmmm... I love surrealism. Theres something about it that has a clearer way of speaking then reality, it has more meaning or at least sometimes it seems that way. There always seems to be more sanity in the things that we see in our head then there seems to be in real life and in some strange way I find that it is more understanding and sympathetic of our feelings. I think I would like to live forever in my imagination, up there, there is clear skies for miles and miles and miles. I would live in a theater, and there would be hundreds of mirrors which I could jump through into different times so that I could collect costumes for my never ending parade of cheesy musicals, and there would be a jazz band - there is always a jazz band.

... I told you I was mad

It's awfully refreshing, don't you think?

Blast from the Past

Missing the good ol' days...

when my darling bro was shorter then me...

and being an idiot...

was the funnest thing in the world!

Wouldn't it be nice to go back... just for a little while.

Forgot about this day: Bay of Islands ... years ago! Was absolutly freezing, hungry, and having the time of my life!

Bandaids = Hope

I'm trying to help, but sometimes i'm not that helpful and I just get in the way. I'm trying to talk, but sometimes when you have too much on your mind and too much weighing on your heart there is nothing to say. I see pain, I see hurt and I can only hope that there is a bandaid for it, can I bandaid it? But I also see kindness, compassion and love and I can only close my eyes and hope that it might last forever. For me, sometimes it is hard to grasp at reality, I live too much inside my head... I draw what I don't understand and I paint what I don't want to see.

One day I hope to be even half as amazing and beautiful as the angels in my life.

No Business like Show Business

I love the theatre! As our darling Streisand once said in the film Funny Lady, "The theatre is a temple of the art!". It's boring nights like this that you want to just break out of the house and go traipsing down Sunset Boulevard or spend a night on Broadway, infact wouldn't it be nice if people just broke into song randomly just like in the movies (dramatic sigh). Mmmm... show biz, it's a dirty business and I love it.

People who need People

When you feel included, remembered or accepted, thats what makes you feel special. When people go out of their way to do something for you, thats what makes you feel special. When someone notices the smaller details, thats what makes you feel special. When someone is there for you no matter the circumstances, thats what makes you feel special. When somebody values you for being you, thats what makes you feel special. When you are able to return all these qualities, thats what makes them feel special and you a special friend.

"People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone."
 - Audrey Hepburn

Big Ideas and the Loveable Bad Guys who Get in the Way!

AHHH! so many thoughts running through my head latley.

So, what to do? What to do?? When you've finished school, the worlds supposedly your oyster... "supposedly". But it's always a little bit difficult when everyone else has a different plan for you - "hello? I'm right here and I KNOW your talking about me! And you know what? I CAN take care of myself and make my own "grown up" decisions!". It would be a laugh if I really did turn out to be a lawyer or a doctor, but all I really want to do is get into drama school, but unfortunately, like most things, you have to start at the bottom and work your way up and you know what? i'm prepared for that!!! so go away extended family before I smite you down with this light saber I just so conviently found!
So anyway, now that i've finished that little rant, for those who don't know, i've decided i'm going to do a performing arts course, it's only for a certificate and it's only 19 weeks long but it's going to be great and i'm sure it will lead off to bigger and better things. And the best thing is that i'll be finally getting away from home and starting my own life which has been far too overuled by my parents lately - don't get me wrong, they are quite loveable when they want to be. And I will be coming back for curry nights (yummy).
Theres only one tinsey winsey problem... and thats the financial side (bleh!). See, my dad's side of the family is like really rich and I was kind of hoping they might help me pay for this course instead of me having to get a student loan, unfortuantley there the ones that want me to be a doctor or a lawyer, honestly!!! Anyway, i'm going to have to ask sooner or later and suffer their rath ... really not looking forward to that (maybe i'll take that light saber with me)...

On a brighter note, i've been getting really fast at knitting - I honestly feel like a total pro! =)

Bliss

I miss being twelve. I think we forget how to live just for the sake of living... I loved horses and wolves and the colour black. I miss building the fort in the olive tree and playing hide and seek in the bush, dirty finger nails, grazed knees, bruises, cuts and blisters. I miss being a tom-boy and secretly wanting to be a princess, pretending to be a ballerina when I thought nobody was looking, shoving all my clothes under my bed, broken pencils, lost erasers. I miss my friends and I miss my school and my semi-good grades, drawing a giant Hedwig on the tennis courts with bit of old chalk, hanging upside down from the monkey-bars with my skirt over my head, failing at soccer, word-finds, hugs, Harry Potter. Life without responsibility is bliss and looking back on it means so much more.